I hate keeping secrets, I really do. That’s not to say I can’t keep a secret, I can. There’s lots of things stored away up there that if I told you, I’d have to kill you.
I understand about keeping secrets to save peoples dignity, to save hurt feelings (but no other damage), and to not ruin a surprise; but ones that are secrets for the sake of being secrets kinda annoy me. That’s how I see our secret.
I know many people don’t reveal their pregnancy until they’ve reached their second trimester, had a scan, and feel that they’re pretty much out of the danger zone. That’s certainly our plan to most of the outside world. But what about those nearest and dearest to me? Surely they would want to know? It would make my life easier as I’m feeling pretty rough with it all at the moment and it would be nice to explain why. But what of the heartache I mentioned before?
I’m always worried about jinxing things. If I tell someone I’m doing something, inevitably it never happens. If I tell people we’re expecting again, am I talking something up that might never come to be?
I’m also worried about peoples reactions.
There’ll be lots of ‘well you two didnt hang around’ and such like; Yes we do have a tv, yes it was planned (kinda), yes we are pleased etc etc.
I’m worried whether it will change how people treat our son. I’m not sure how it would, but I’m concerned nonetheless.
And, as I’ve touched on but not discussed, there’s a lot going on in our lives at the moment. I’m worried that my often ‘glass half-empty’ family will worry and stress that it’s going to make our lives even more chaotic than they already are. Well, it will. But so what? The dust will settle quicker!
I’m also worried about the impact on my parents and in-laws, both of whom have our son on a regular basis, and are probably as nervous about looking after two kids under two as I am.
BUT, even given all this, why am I keeping it a secret? It’s more a fear thing than a secret thing. I get the impression my Husband is keen to tell people, but he was hurt by our first two pregnancies, so I know he too is terrified of jinxing things.
It’s not going to be easy keeping it from people.
For a start, as my muscles are relaxing, my mummy-tummy is protruding more and more, and taking on a deceptive bump like demeanour. I’ve given up trying to hold it in, instead I’ve started wondering which clothes hide it best. Unfortunately not many of them do, and I’m reluctant to dive into my maternity archive just yet (but oh the comfort….!)
Plus I’m tired and queasy and generally feeling the early-pregnancy-blurgh. And it’s hard to hide why from a family who check up on me twice a day and worry if I so much as sneeze.
And there are lots of things happening between now and February, and while I am trying to make all plans pregnancy-friendly, those around me have only just got used to making non-pregnancy-friendly plans.
As well as all of this, waiting until 12+ weeks to reveal see’s about 1/3 of your pregancy gone, secretly. Therefore you only get to truely enjoy the last 2/3s. Well we only plan on two children, so this could be my last pregnancy, and I would like to enjoy it for as long and as much as possible!
So, I have decided to tell a few chosen ones;
My best friend, because that’s what you do, innit. She’ll be ridiculously excited, and although sensible, she won’t let worries and concerns get in the way of that excitement.
My close friend, who also has two under two, because we tend to tell each other everything, and I’m hoping she can put my mind at ease and generally be a sounding board. She’s loving double-mummyhood, so hopefully she’ll be excited too.
My friend-come-‘therapist’, as many of my future plans involve her somehow, it’s only fair she knows what’s happening. Plus she’s an expert in all things pregnancy related which, again selfishly, I’m hoping will prove beneficial.
Lastly, my Grandma; one of, if not THE, most level headed member of my family. She’s 83 years young on Friday, and I plan to break the news to her then. She can keep a secret, and I know she’ll be thrilled. Plus being half paralysed and bed-bound since suffering a stroke last year, she’s been feeling a bit glum recently. I’m hoping the news will cheer her up and give her something to look forward to.
But not parents, not yet. I want to tell them in an exciting way. It’s big news for them, and I want the reveal to reflect that. I havent come up with a suitable method yet – any suggestions gratefully received in the comments box! Plus, they suffered with us the first times also, so I’d like to have more reassurance that things are ok before getting their hopes up.
Who did/would you tell when/if you found you were pregnant? Did/would you tell people early, or wait until a scan? Do you have an amazing reveal story to tell?!